Stop Wasting Time in Traditional Premarital Counseling ~ Do This Instead
Congratulations! You’re engaged, and you couldn’t be happier. Everything is going just as you hoped and dreamed that it would.
There is so much to do and even more to plan for the big day, which is taking way too long to arrive.
All of you and your partner’s focus is going towards details, details, details. Everything has to be absolutely perfect when that long awaited day finally arrives, with nothing to mess it up!
However, in all of this hustle and bustle, couples tend to overlook the most important aspect of all; their own relationship with each other.
You might be thinking that there is no way that you can forget about each other as you plan your WEDDING, but this is actually a common occurrence.
Because of this, you need a way to protect and maintain your relationship for years to come, and make this wedding all that you both want it to be.
Oh, and by the way, this article doesn’t just apply to premarital couples. Even if you’ve been married for a long time, this can still be helpful to you! So read on!
We Are Just Not Taught About Healthy Relationships
Wouldn’t it be sad to spend all this time and money on a wedding, only to have your marriage end a mere few years after?
How tragic would that be?
Or to spend years in couples counseling only to end in divorce?
Now, this may sound all Negative Nancy, but the reality is that this is an extremely common occurrence in couples of all different backgrounds and orientations alike.
Now, most of us are usually not taught the science of and behind healthy relationships. We assume it is how it is, if we’re happy that’s all there is behind it, and vice versa when we are upset.
However, this is not necessarily really the case most of the time. Our relationships can commonly change and develop as long as we want them to, and create our own happiness.
Additionally, assumptions from our families of origin tend to leave ideas implanted in our brains. We learn how to be in a relationship from the family we grew up in and we carry those lessons forward to our current relationship.
This can give us misunderstandings and misguided views of our partner and what they want from us.
Premarital Counseling That Helps Avoid Marriage Counseling
Let’s take a look at both the traditional premarital counseling versus the premarital counseling in Kansas all couples SHOULD get:
The Old Way of premarital counseling:
The traditional way of going about premarital counseling is cognitive.
It usually takes partners through a mass variety of topics. For example, how to communicate about finances, conflict resolution, parenting styles, etc.
This method is great for couples who don’t live with any emotion. But who does that apply to? Umm…no one! The problem is that when we experience high emotion, which often times comes from conflict with our partner, our thinking part of the brain turns off. How do you use skills if your thinking brain is turned off?
Additionally, a religious perspective is very common, and main ideas about the couple tend to stem from that.
The New Way of Premarital Counseling:
The newer route of premarital counseling, like the one we use at our Overland Park counseling clinic, involves the exploration of emotions (on both sides of the relationship). Couples need to understand that when something goes wrong between me and my partner, my brain goes into fight or flight mode and the only message we get is “unsafe”. There is no logic happening at this time.
The newer route also integrates the process that occurs between partners, meaning it tries to develop understanding of the underlying factors that ultimately lead to the conflicts. For example, I hear the tone of your voice, which makes me feel like I can’t say anything right, so I pull away. The more I pull away, the more you feel isolated and abandoned. So you get more critical in an attempt to pull me back. But then I hear the tone of your voice and pull away.
Finally, this way about premarital counseling takes on a non-religious stance. Many couples prefer this method over the non-secular-based method.
The program we like to use, Building a Lasting Connection(™), covers all of these points.
There are commonalities:
Despite the differences, both methods share a similar base. The therapy can be taken as individual couples or in a group of couples.
Group sessions are just as valuable as individual counseling and can be taken as an online couples workshop as well.
Additionally, they both can help us learn more about ourselves and our partners.
Start Premarital Counseling and Building a Lasting Connection(™) with JS Therapy Group:
It’s never too late to start to work on your relationship. After all, it’s the most important relationship in your life. In addition, it’s easy to get started. Just follow these easy steps:
Learn the elements of a healthy relationship
Live the rest of your life with the marriage you dreamed of!
Premarital Counseling and Classes, Workshops and Retreats Are Not the Only Service Offered at JS Therapy Group
Premarital counseling, classes, workshops and retreats are not the only service we offer at JS Therapy Group, LLC. In our counseling clinics located in Leavenworth, KS, Overland Park, KS and Liberty, MO, we also offer couples counseling and marriage counseling, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment for children, trauma therapy and PTSD treatment for adults, therapy for children and play therapy, therapy for teens, family therapy, anxiety treatment, depression treatment and affordable counseling services. We also offer classes, workshops and groups featuring the Hold Me Tight® program and Building a Lasting Connection(™) program. In addition, we offer professional services for licensed mental health professionals.