10 Signs Your Relationship Needs Couples Counseling
Fifty percent of initial marriages, sixty- seven of the next, and a massive seventy three percent of third marriages fail. These are all extremely high numbers when we are talking about the massive commitment that relationships (especially when it gets to the marriage stage) are.
We all want our relationships to be successful, and tell ourselves that we will never go as far as divorce.
The reality is; over half of all marriages fail, and that can be really scary when trying to make our own work out. When issues spiral out of control, we begin to worry that we may fall into that fifty, sixty- seven, seventy- three percent, and so on.
When we feel ourselves spiraling into this thought process, it may be time to seek help to ensure that we are a part of that succeeding percentage of marriages.
Signs You Could Benefit from Marriage Counseling in Liberty, MO and Kansas
There are several specific signs of a need for couples counseling in your relationship. If these are caught and noticed at an early stage, the more likely we can fix these issues quickly. The longer that our negative habits carry on in our lives, the harder that they are to break.
With that being said, take the following signs into consideration and see if any of them relate to you. If they do, you could benefit from marriage counseling services in one of our mental health clinics in Overland Park, Kansas, Liberty, Missouri and Leavenworth, Kansas:
Neutral conversations turn to conflicts
If you and your partner find that you are not able to engage in an everyday discussion without being at each other’s throats, it may be a sign that you could benefit from couples counseling.
For example, you give a simple intentionally helpful suggestion and it turns into a defensive response from your partner. This could be a sign that you and your partner have lost the assumption that both of you have good intentions toward each other.
Although some conflict is healthy, there should be many more happy and comfortable moments than frustration and anger. Time with your partner should make you feel good about yourself and your relationship, not the opposite. With that being said, if you experience this, perhaps consider couples counseling.
One (or both) of you is keeping secrets
Keeping secrets from each other is a sign that your relaitonship is lacking emotinoal safety. Basically, one or both of you are very hesitant to share something with the other person in fear that it will start an argument or create some kind of conflict or disconnection.
Secrets create rifts between you and your partner, which are never good. We want to be more connected, not pushed apart.
Additionally, suspicion of secrets leads to accusations, which leads to the conflict discussed above. This downward spiral continues until there is little trust left.
When we feel this happening, we need to take action in order to prevent this spiral from continuing, like getting help from a licensed marriage counselor.
You contemplate having an affair
If at any point this is crossing your mind, this is probably a pretty strong indicator that your relationship is not in as good of a place. When these thoughts cross your mind, be sure to seek some sort of help working through it before acting on these feelings.
When we have problems in our relationships, we should try to avoid look for a solution through another person…even if it is just talking about it. Just talking about your relationship struggles with a person outside of your relationship can create an emotional connection that is also damaging to your committed relationship or marriage.
Talking and working things out with your partner is the best way to go about and overcome these tough feelings, even if it does feel kind of scary.
You don’t feel safe or comfortable enough to bring up the things that bother you
It makes sense. You want to avoid an argument or “getting in trouble” with your partner. So you decide to not say whatever is bothering you. But this in itself is a sign you need to start couples counseling.
Talking through our issues, as mentioned above, can be the difference between a healthy relationship and a rocky one. When we refuse to talk through things, we deprive ourselves of options to build our relationships back up to where we want them to be.
Without being able to communicate how we feel however, none of this is possible, so it is key to be open with your partner and share your feelings in a way your partner can hear it and receive it. This is why we use Emotionally Focused Therapy with our couples.
You get caught up in the same patterns of conflict.
You know how it goes….different topic…same argument. When the same argument seem to resurface over and over, it can be a sign that these problems aren’t getting resolved, simply pushed back. And when we push our feelings aside instead of talking them out, we diminish our chances of the relationship running smoothly.
We typically do get caught up in the same pattern of arguments. One person gets critical or blames while the other person shuts down or walks away. This is a typical pattern we talk about in our in-person and online couples workshop called the Protest Polka.
If you see these patterns coming up frequently, contact us for marriage counseling like at our Overland Park, KS location.
You aren’t having sex.
Though this may not seem like a massive red flag, it means that less intimacy is taking place between the two of you, and that is never good.
This could also be a sign that there is a lack of emotional safety in your relationship. After all, for some partners, sex is emotionally vulnerable.
Having sex is healthy, and when we are having struggles in our relationship, it can occur much less frequently than when our relationship is in a healthy place.
You don’t have the marriage that you dreamed about
It is completely normal for your marriage to not be everything that you envisioned, but if it is nothing that you wanted, that can be a sign to seek help. If the relationship feels like a chore, maybe it is not something that your heart is truly in.
Another thing to note is that it isn’t fair to the other person if you (or the other way around) no longer want to try to make it work anymore and just don't say it. Leading someone on, no matter the intention, is never okay, especially when in a relationship at this stage.
You don’t feel as close as you used to.
Do you remember when you told your partner everything? And wanted to do anything and everything with them?
If this phase feels long gone, consider seeking counseling. If this is something that you want to get back, work needs to be put in.
And don’t believe what they naysayers say….you can have butterflies in your stomach when you see your partner. You can get the spark back and deserve to have that spark.
You feel resentment toward your partner
When negative feelings and emotions like this come out, there are issues under the surface of the relationship. When we feel upset and angry towards our partner and don’t know why, it can be scary.
It’s completely normal for resentment to come up after months or years of arguments and not feeling like your partner hears you, listens to you, gets you or even loves you.
However, the sooner it is addressed and you and your partner find emotional safety and repair your relationship, the sooner you can get back on track.
You feel lonely in your relationship
Ugh! This is the worst! Relationships should make you feel less alone, not the opposite.
If your relationship is causing you to feel this way, be sure to communicate those feelings to your partner. Chances are, they feel the distance too, and want to fix it.
Recognizing the issue is the important first step in improving these feelings, and getting us back to how we once were. We always want that honeymoon phase to last us forever, and maybe, with a little bit of help, we can. JS Therapy Group and our caring counselors are her to help! We love to use EFT therapy in our Missouri and Kansas clinics.
Begin Marriage Counseling at JS Therapy Group in Leavenworth, KS, Overland Park, KS or Liberty, MO
You don’t have to keep living with relationship struggles and loneliness. When you’re ready to get started, we’re ready to get started with you! Here are the steps you need to take:
First, contact us through our website.
Next, it is to meet with one of our caring therapists
Then, it’s time to begin healing and feeling butterflies in your stomach again when your partner walks through the door.
Additional Services Offered at JS Therapy Group
At JS Therapy Group, there is a wide range of mental health services that we provide to support our communities in the Kansas City metro area. In addition to couples and marriage counseling, we also offer premarital counseling, trauma and PTSD treatment for children, play therapy/ therapy for children, teen therapy, family therapy, anxiety treatment, trauma and PTSD treatment and depression treatment. If you want to work on your relationship but are not ready for counseling services or have a schedule that does not allow for regular appointments, we also offer couples workshops and premarital workshops.