Marriage Counseling: How to Prevent Relapse
From time to time, I couples who see some small improvements in their relationship and decide to quit counseling right after, thinking that they have accomplished the goals that they came to achieve. They feel like they are communicating better or listening to each other better.
Makes sense that some people would want to discontinue marriage counseling or couples counseling. But….it’s important to be aware that this is still too early to graduate from therapy.
Therapists often try to warn couples that despite seeing small changes (and things being a little bit better) that continuation is necessary to make the new habits and practices truly stick.
Unfortunately, there are couples who simply refuse to heed these warnings.
Just because the two of you are beginning to feel better about your relationship does not mean that you are necessarily done with all that you need to do.
Lasting change is achieved through consistent sessions over an extended period of time, not small changes.
Lasting Change from Couples Counseling in Liberty, MO, Overland Park, KS and Leavenworth, KS
The changes that we see after the first few sessions of counseling are much different from those that we experience after months or even years of continued counseling. These are called First and Second Orders of Change, and though both exhibit differences in behavior, one is much more long- lasting than the other.
First- Order Change:
The First- Order Change is more of a behavioral change than anything else.
An example of one of these changes is when a couple is able to catch themselves in problematic behavior patterns and do something different.
This leads to couples finding detours around these negative behaviors instead of just not ever seeing these behaviors at all.
Second- Order Change:
Second- Order Change is a much deeper change to the system itself. The changes and better habits are now normal and natural, and do not have to be forced.
An example of second order change is when couples are able to connect emotionally and are able to emotionally care and support for each other. It’s more than just checking a box. Couples FEEL emotionally safe and secure.
The couples mentioned in the intro have successfully achieved First- Order Change, and because of this, they believe that they are done with their journey in counseling.
However, second order change is necessary to prevent relapsing with the negative habits.
Three Tips for Preventing Relapse after Marriage Counseling
There are several different ways that couples can prevent relapse into the habits that they strive to be rid of.
Deep Bonding Experiences:
It is necessary for couples to have deep bonding experiences to further their connection and build trust.
Some examples of this are emotional conversations; where one person takes a risk and reaches for the other, and the other responds in an emotionally comforting way.
This strengthens the connection between the two and shows that they can trust the other with hard conversations and difficult emotions.
Continue to learn about relationships:
Couples need to take couples workshops in the KC area to improve their relational skills.
While you may think you are doing fine on your own, sometimes professional help is exactly what is necessary to break free of the negative habits that we tend to make.
Even one online couples workshop a year can make a massive difference in a relationship.
Prioritize relationship rituals:
Make the simple positive things a habit. A simple example of this is to say goodbye to your partner when you go somewhere.
As simple as this may seem, it goes a long way in keeping trust and feelings of safety in the relationship.
Begin relationship counseling:
Finally, working with a therapist to complete a full round of couples therapy with one of our EFT therapists can be vital in keeping your habits positive.
The key words in that statement are “full round.” You must keep at your sessions if you truly want to see the results that you are after.
Continuing is extremely crucial in hardwiring positive habits with the deeper emotional connection.
Start Couples Counseling with JS Therapy Group:
If you have tried marriage counseling or couples counseling and still struggle in your relationship, consider working with one of our couples therapists who have specialized training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. It’s easy to get started:
Meet with one of our caring couples therapists
Start to feel more connected
Additional Services:
We offer so much more than just couples counseling. Here are the services that we provide: premarital counseling, trauma and PTSD treatment for children, trauma and PTSD treatment, play therapy and therapy for children, teen therapy, family therapy, anxiety treatment, and depression treatment. We also offer educational opportunities thought our couples workshops and premarital workshops. It’s easy to get started with JS Therapy Group. Just schedule an appointment.