Here's a Quick Way to Improve Every One of Your Relationships!
I wanted to take a few minutes this week to share one very important strategy for happy relationships that I use in every...single...relationship!
Dr John Gottman conducted years of research to determine what makes marriages work. He gained a ton of information! This one piece I'm going to share today is super easy! At least I think it is.
It is the idea of having at least five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. Dr. Gottman calls this the Magic Relationship Ratio. Let me break this down for you.
Whether you are thinking of an intimate relationship or a work relationship, having more positive interactions increases emotional safety and security in a relationship.
Think about it. How do you feel when you have a negative interaction with a lover or a friend? I bet it takes a lot of energy out of you, right?
Think of it this way. Imagine you have a jar of 20 pennies. Every time you have a negative interaction with someone you care about, you lose 10 pennies. That sounds like quite an expensive interaction!
Now, when you have a positive interaction, it will take more to get back to the status quo. Basically, when you have a positive interaction, you get only two pennies back! And this is only if things are going well.
Imagine you had several negative interactions and very few positive interactions. You are going to be in the red! You are in debt to your penny jar! It will take many, many, many, many positive interactions to replenish your jar. Probably more than five positive interactions to every one negative interaction.
I use this strategy with my clients, with my family, with my supervisees, with everyone!
So what about you? Which relationships do you have more positive interactions than negative interactions? Which relationships do you have more negative interactions than positive interactions?
Make this your focus for this week. I think it will help!!!!
Have a good week!
Jessica Schroeder is a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor in private practice in historic downtown Leavenworth, Kansas. Jessica specializes in Couples Therapy and Trauma with adults and children.