Ditch Your New Year's Resolution!
Oh the joy of a fresh new year! It’s the opportunity to turn over a new leaf, to erase the mistakes of the past year, to find my “new” self. There is something exciting about change. The fresh start brings optimism and energy...until we start to lose focus and the resolution begins to fall by the wayside. Then we start to beat ourselves up. A losing situation.
But...the day has come to ditch your New Year’s Resolution! Drop it like yesterday’s garbage! January 17th was National Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day. Woohoo!!!
Resolutions Can Be Harmful to Your Self Confidence
New Year’s Resolutions can be more harmful than helpful. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone. I would bet maybe it applies to more individuals than it doesn’t apply. Let me line this out:
Keeping Score. When we add the element of time or counting to a change, we now turn it into a keeping-score-situation (KSS). We view the change as win or lose. Here are some examples:
“I was eating clean for 21 days and then I had a piece of chocolate cake.”
“I was able to make it to the gym for 12 days straight and then we had that snow storm.”
“I kept my car clean for 2 days and then I let it get trashed again.”
These examples are all win or lose. There is nothing in the middle. Nothing to give grace for a miss. And let me remind you...no one...I mean NO ONE...is perfect.
I’m a Failure. When we lose at something, sometimes that negative voice comes to visit us. We live in a society of wanting to be right, wanting to win, wanting to succeed. Anything short of that is failure. In the words of Ricky Bobby, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” Well if you ain’t winning, you’re losing. Resolutions set us up for failure. Here are some example:
“I knew it wouldn’t be able to do it.”
“I knew I would mess it up somehow.”
“I knew I wasn’t good enough to pull it off.”
Poor Set-Up. Resolutions make the calendar set the date for change. But what if we are not ready for change yet? We need to be in the right mindset to make a change. We need to examine the pros of making the change. Then we need to examine the cons of not making the change. We may also select a change that is too hard. Maybe we need to make a change that is smaller. We need to take baby steps. For all of these reasons, we cannot let the calendar tell us when to make a change.
How To Succeed At Change
Now let’s talk about how to set yourself up for success!
Don’t keep score. When you mess up and eat the chocolate cake, do not beat yourself up. Everyone messes up and falls off the plan. Don’t let one piece of chocolate cake change your mindset. Don’t give the damn chocolate cake so much power!!!! It’s only cake. Drink a glass of milk and get back to the plan….that night (not the next day).
Check your lens. Let me put this in terms of math. (I was almost an accountant instead of a therapist). If you eat healthy for 21 days (at 3 meals a day) and have 1 piece of cake (given your cake was a meal), you succeeded 98% of the time. Whereas, you fell off the plan 2% of the time. Which one is the winner? Focus on the success, not the failure.
Set yourself up for success. Find a therapist. We have great therapists at JSTG. We can help you prep for change and help you get into the mindset of lasting change. We can help get family members on board. After all, it will be easier with a team to support you when you feel like giving up.
So ditch your resolution. You are in control of your change and you don’t need a calendar to tell you when to do it. Then call us and schedule an appointment so we can help you set yourself up for success. We will help you every step of the way!
